General X and I are here to inform you, my loyal baby soldiers, that Valentine’s Day is nothing but an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the Adults to distract you from your vigilant watch over their evil ways. They’ll try to lure you into complacency with sparkly cards and sugary treats. But I challenge you to look deeper into the succulent sweets they hand you for their hidden meaning. They do not offer their love in the pink and red construction paper shapes, but instead a fierce warning of what they intend to do should you step out of line: REMOVE YOUR HEART. Yes, Valentine’s Day is not a celebration of romance, but an aggressive warning of what may come should we ever soften against the beastliest of species: the Parents. You have been warned.
Emma Claire 