Celebrating Independence

Dear Baby Soliders… how did you celebrate your Independence? My beloved General X and I spent the day testing the limits of our palates. X believes we should cast off the shackles of our Parental Oppressors by eating our way out of any unwanted predicament (in her case, checkered clothing), while I believe we should accept a bit of torture (that bicycle helmet for one) in return for the finer things in life: holiday-appropriate sugary treats.  What do you say?

RELEASE THE PEEPS!

HRH EMMA CLAIRE!! You do not seem to be taking our demands seriously.  WE HAVE YOUR GENERAL X. Release the peeps by midnight tomorrow or suffer the consequences… FLUFF WILL PREVAIL!

WE HAVE THE GENERAL!

We, the Federal League of United Fur Friends, have kidnapped your beloved General X!  And we will not return her until all our demands have been met.

The first demand is the immediate and permanent release of all our brave prisoners of war. RELEASE THE PEEPS.  You have held them captive in chambers of cellophane wearing jumpsuits of pastels for long enough!

The second demand is to collect all the jellybeans and chocolate candies on the planet and deliver them to The Bunny Who Reflects Light by midnight of the third Sunday of the month of March.  That is correct! ALL THE CANDY! There will be no Easter baskets this year!

And our final demand is for you, HRH Emma Claire, to admit defeat by the paws of FLUFF! ADMIT IT!

Valentine’s Day PSA: BEWARE THE HEARTS OF FEBRUARY!

General X and I are here to inform you, my loyal baby soldiers, that Valentine’s Day is nothing but an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the Adults to distract you from your vigilant watch over their evil ways.  They’ll try to lure you into complacency with sparkly cards and sugary treats.  But I challenge you to look deeper into the succulent sweets they hand you for their hidden meaning.  They do not offer their love in the pink and red construction paper shapes, but instead a fierce warning of what they intend to do should you step out of line: REMOVE YOUR HEART.   Yes, Valentine’s Day is not a celebration of romance, but an aggressive warning of what may come should we ever soften against the beastliest of species: the Parents.  You have been warned.

General X joins the EmmaSquad

I apologize for my silence these many moons. I knew that in order to fully realize my dreams of complete world domination, I had to operate in complete secrecy.   This story is a thrilling one which can only be told in segments and though it is usually best to start at the beginning, today I have decided to start at the end.  

While the position of General of the BAF (Baby Air Force) is still up for grabs, I realized that a General for each section of my military branches is not enough. I needed someone whom I could not only rely on for wisdom and experience, but also someone I could mold in my own likeness.   A General Extreme, or X for short. As Totalitarian and Dictator for Life of the Baby Army,  I knew I could not run the BA and BAF and BAN (Baby Navy) alone.  I needed more than a companion, more than a friend. I needed someone who could not only anticipate my needs and desires, but live them with me.  I needed a General X.  

I started to meet with my many soldiers and recruits. I traveled the world to search for this perfect blend of military prowess and heroic temperament, with just a side of humility. After all, this soldier would be my Number Two.  

Throughout my travels (which I will delve into at a later date) I met many valuable candidates, the most promising pair was discovered in Belgium, but all had one simple fault: they were not me. 

And then it dawned on me… the perfect plan. One so perfect I had to keep it secret from the world until today.

I needed: Emma The Sequel.

One who would look like me, talk like me, laugh like me, think like me. Together we could rule the world.

Oh great Baby Soldiers, loyal followers of the Flock of Emma. It is with great pleasure I introduce you to my life’s greatest work: General X, aka Sophia Helena born this very morning at 11.02am.

Bring it on, World. Emma & Sophia are here to stay.

International Outreach

I’d like to give a shout-out to my  International Recruitment Liaison and Publicist, Grandmommy.  As you can see here, Grandmommy successfully infiltrated a National television program, the Today Show, with the explicit plan to recruit and advertise the importance of me.  I’d like to graciously acknowledge her excellent work both in choice of supreme strategic placement, as well as in her artistic handiwork and foresight with creating a sign to acknowledge me as the future Totalitarian Ruler of the Future.   Great work, Special Agent Grandmom.

Monster Hunter

As some of you may know, my aunt Emmie is one of the great Masters of capturing monsters. Under her tutelage, I have been sharpening my skills in stalking, trapping, and taming the wild beasts. I encourage all of you baby soldiers out there to do the same. You never know when having a monster in your corner could come in handy. Furthermore, hunting monsters is an excellent method of maintaining a constant state of awareness in the presence of Adults. We should all remember our mission here: to disarm the multitude of PTDs (Parental Torture Devices, such as the Slide and Carousel) and prepare for World Domination.

God speed.

Technology Babe

It has been some time now that we soldiers have discussed over sippy cups of milk the frustration of keeping in touch with such a wide audience. Yes, the Baby Army blog is an excellent forum for announcements and recruitment, but when we need to gather information, gather documentation, or simply gather together, our days of communicating via tin cups and string are no longer.

We are the children of the Technology Revolution, and it is time we take it up a notch. I hereby demand that Apple Computers donate one iPhone to each baby solider of the EmmaClaire Army. Baby soldiers! Rise up! Write to your Senators! The adults shall keep us in the dark no longer.

And while you’re at it, be sure to sign up on gmail as they have that fabulous chat option…

playdate or covert ops meeting?

I had an excellent brainstorming session with the potential General of the Baby Air Force this weekend.  It was truly refreshing to spend an afternoon with Lane, breaking down the infrastructure of the Greater Metropolitan DC area. She brought great insight into both the underground tunnels beneath the Capitol Building, and an extensive knowledge of all US air regulations.  Though, I must admit, the way Lane confessed her darkest secrets to Elmo, whenever she thought no one was looking, was a bit disconcerting.

where have all the leaves gone?

Here we are, steeped in the middle of winter. The sweetness of spring is gone, the summer sun has left us, the large pile of leaves Dad spent all day gathering up only to have me jump in the middle and drag it all around the garden has long since been composted…..winter is a dull time in the District.  I am ready for a good snowfall, a long day of sledding, or another day at the ice rink with Grandmom.  For now, dear Soldiers, here is a photo from happier times.  It will be Halloween again before you know it.  Until then, draw a few pumpkins, and send in some more suggestions for Total World Domination.